March 28, 2005

The High Road

In the wake of last week's disappointing losses for UWM and UW, let's all take solace in this wonderful picture from last year's ACC duel between Maryland and Duke. Note the score.

Congrats on fantastic seasons, Panthers and Badgers.

March 25, 2005

Happy Birthday

Today marks the 48th birthday of the European Union. On March 25, 1957, the Treaty of Rome was signed by the 6 original founding members, establishing the European Economic Community. Since then, the Union has grown to include 25 member states, and is the largest collective economic entity in the world.

March 25, 2005

1 euro equals 1.29527 dollars

March 24, 2005

Are you gonna' finish that?

I noticed I'm getting pretty fat. My clothes haven't been too cooperative when I try to buckle/button them lately. It all started when I got the desk job late last summer, and has accelerated since I quit smoking on New Year's Eve. It's a tradeoff, of course, but seriously folks. It's gettin' ugly.

To make matters worse, the pool area in our Bally's gym out here in Brookfield has been closed for repairs the last couple of weeks. I have a lousy right knee, so I can't really jog anymore. I stopped out there last week to try to stop the ever-expanding gut by swimming some laps, but was disappointed to see the construction work being done. Hurry up with that please, folks.

Anyways, I'll catch up with you all later. I'm hungry.

March 20, 2005

Whatever we are.

Don't know if any of you caught the post-game press conference segment with Boston College forward Jared Dudley or not, so I thought I'd share this with you. Dudley had this to say about his team's stunning loss to the Panthers yesterday:

"I thought we were going to win the ballgame--a four seed playing whatever they were. (We) definitely had high hopes, expectations for us to move on and advance. Uh, but that wasn't the case."

Whatever they were?!? We're the team that just kicked your ass, fool! We're the team you're going to be watching from your couch once the Sweet 16 starts! We're the team that one of the announcers calling the game said has "changed the definition of the word 'intensity'."

That's what we are. Go Panthers.

March 18, 2005

I found Milwaukee a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.

An ancient evil returns from the Old World this weekend. Charlemagne, Lord of Darkness, will once again descend upon the city of Lite, with his evil and his lying and his darkness and what not. As your malevo...er...benevolent overlord, I humbly suggest the speedy renewal of our age-old battle of wits and fortune, body language and table talk, drunkeness and bad temperament. Yes, friends, the social wonder that is RISK.

As His Lord and Majesty, Daniel of Buchsunderfoot, is remarkably close to the arrival of an heir, I shall willingly submit to his most excellent judgement as to whether or not such an event is even a realistic possibility. If so, I suggest a location somewhere in the Western Centre of Power, so as to maintain proximity to the lovely Lady Out-to-here. If not, simply let us know when the aforementioned test of psychological warfare would be appropriate, and we shall graciously postpone our activities and await the arrival of Princess Isabella.

Again, I'm your humble servant, good citizens. I'm on your side, and I'm personally rooting for each and every one of you. Chuck is your real enemy. Focus on him.

Not me.

I love you.

March 17, 2005

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...what is that thing?

This unidentified flying object crash landed somewhere in Australia this week. Witnesses said a young child emerged from the wreckage and started juggling cars.

Leprechauns are assholes.

So I woke up a few days ago with a sharp pain in the back of my throat. You know the kind I mean--the ones that hurt when you swallow and portend imminent illness. Hoping to head the virus off at the pass, I stocked up on OJ and meds and have spent the last couple days drowning myself in Vitamin C. Alas, I could not kill the beast. Yesterday, the monster spread to the rest of my noggin, as I spent the day coughing all over my poor co-workers. (Sorry about that, Cara and The Other Dan.)

Ever the gentleman, The Other Dan suggested I spend a quiet evening at the movies and take Thursday off to hasten my recovery. As I proceeded to cough up a lung, I laughed him off, saying it was unlikely I would need to miss any work. I went to the movie, grabbed a bite to eat with Raj and his lovely wife Tora, and headed home to bed.

Then I woke up this morning. I'm not exactly sure what it feels like to get blindsided by a semi, but I'll bet this is pretty close. Swallowing my pride, I called The Other Dan to inform him I would indeed be taking my 2nd sick day in about 5 years. (The salmonella doesn't count. That was a straight up fight for survival.)

Damn it. While I had planned on possibly spending tonight on my back, I assumed it would have been the result of one too many pints of Guinness, not Dayquil. On the bright side, I won't need to down a gallon of alcohol to see green all day. I guess I'll just lay around and watch UWM kick Alabama's ass.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everybody. Be safe.

March 16, 2005

Der Untergang

I'm going to spend a couple hours down at the Oriental Theatre tonight. They have a free 7 O'clock showing of The Downfall, the chilling, Oscar-nominated film about the final hours of Adolf Hitler.

What makes this film so different from the multitude of other Nazi movies is that this is a German film. The way I understand it, this is really the first time the topic of Hitler has been handled in this manner in Germany. Understandably, Naziism is a taboo topic in Germany today, radical right wing groups notwithstanding. Last year, there was an uproar over a simple wax figure of Hitler being placed in a Berlin museum. Nazi symbols are illegal, and any public reference to the Hitler regime is severely frowned upon.

The controversy surrounding this film is the fact that it gives us Hitler the man, not Hitler the dictator. While we are all accustomed to the archival footage of Hitler spewing his hate rhetoric, this film shows us a terrified, desperate, beaten man who knows he's at the end of the line. The real terror, of course, lies in the fact that it was simply a human being, not a monster, who orchestrated one of the darkest chapters in human history. The question of "How could this happen?" is apparently not addressed directly in the film, but the human portrayal of genuinely evil men forces the audience to contemplate the issue on their own.

I love German history, so this one's going to be tough for me. It's impossible to leaf through German history books without acknowledging the permanent stain left by the Third Reich. I look forward to seeing how the Germans involved with the film approach the subject of their most shameful moment. Should be interesting.

March 14, 2005

A Tip of the Hat

Thought I'd share a fantastic piece of mail I received from my great-grandaunt LaVerne with you. For those friends of mine that I haven't yet told about LaVerne, let me provide a little background.

Last year, I started researching my paternal family tree. A few generations ago, there was an apparent split between certain factions in the family, and my side has somewhat lost contact with their side over the years. Naturally, I figured I might be able to get a little info about them from my grandmother. She seemed to recall that one of our elder relatives, LaVerne, lived somewhere here in Milwaukee, so I did a quick search on google and found her address. (Sidenote--proving that it is indeed a small world after all, it turns out she's lived at The Chuck's old gig, the Plaza Hotel, for years. In fact, when I asked him about her, he actually remembered her!)

Anyways, after finally establishing contact with LaVerne, we've had the opportunity to meet for breakfast a couple times and get to know each other. One of my favorite moments from last year involved a trip to the Lake Mills/Waterloo area with LaVerne to meet some long lost family members. While there, she showed me some of the old Hermann family farm properties, as well as a tiny old German cemetery where some of my ancestors are buried. Good stuff, all around.

A couple weekends ago, my father came into town for a visit. While here, I took him out to have breakfast with LaVerne at the Plaza Hotel cafe. After she met us in the lobby, she introduced me to the desk receptionist before we made our way into the restaurant. Once we were shown to our table, I removed my cap and had a seat. After the waitress left us to ourselves, LaVerne leaned towards me and quietly scolded me for not taking my hat off when she had introduced me to the receptionist. Don't get me wrong--it wasn't meant to be malicious at all. It was a completely sweet, endearing, almost motherly gesture on her part, and I politely apologized to her for my Emily Post faux pas.

So about that piece of mail...

LaVerne has been quite active in religious and public safety events ever since her brother, my great-grandfather Henry, was killed by a drunk driver way back in 1957. Since we met, she's taken it upon herself to mail me invitations to said events as often as possible. (By the way, my favorite one so far was a Catholic singles function called "Eat, Drink, and Be Catholic". Hilarious.) The most recent invitation was for a religious St. Patrick's Day event, and the brochure she mailed to me had a hand-written note attached to it that I thought was absolutely priceless. It read:

"Hi, Les. Leave your cap/hat in the car so you won't need to remove it!!! See you on 3/17. It'll be fun!! LaVerne."

Ladies and gentlemen, our elders rock. They absolutely freakin' rock. Cherish 'em while you got 'em.

March 12, 2005

I laid all them busters down, I let my gat explode.

In an effort to re-establish the dominance of the real Center of Power, Mr. Bryan Buchs and myself embarked on a mission from God last Friday night to reclaim the coveted Wisconsin Poker Tour title. Last month, cosmopolitan playboy Charles Rozewicz shocked the world with an impressive display of poker savvy, winning the first of what may very likely be many Wi.P.T. championships.

This month, the great Rozewicz made a pilgrimage to the Old Country, presenting us East Side loyalists with a glaring opportunity at redemption. Although Rozewicz's imposing presence could still be felt in absentia, we liked our odds. First coating our constitutions with some fine alcoholic beverages from the Cafe Brucke, Bryan and I embarked on our Holy Crusade.

In a prophetic sign that fortune does indeed favor the foolish, I survived what should have been a sure death blow against an unlucky chap who is quickly becoming my ill-fated foil, The Other Chuck. If I recall correctly, the flop showed 6,7,8. Holding Big Slick, I incorrectly guessed that The Other Chuck was bluffing when he went all in, so I called him. Imagine my horror when I discovered he was holding pocket 8's. Luckily for me, the final two cards produced a straight, meaning The Other Chuck and I split the pot, and I lived to fight another day.

When all was said and done, I was fortunate enough to once again bring the title back to the East Side. My final foe was the personable Bill Hehr, the tournament's official director of operations. Again and again, Lady Luck blew me kisses as my pile of chips continued to grow, and ultimately included every last one of them. Next month, I anticipate another victory from either myself or another capable East Side representative. Herr Buchs, I think you're just about due.

March 10, 2005

Mrs. RISK

Yesterday, The Other Dan filled out a couple of brackets for Chuck and I at work. We were each asked to pick who we thought would emerge as the champion. The entries were reshuffled after each "field of 64" ran its course. However, instead of NCAA basketball teams, The Other Dan pitted extremely beautiful celebrity women against each other. After a few close calls and some impressive Cinderella performances, the lovely Salma Hayek emerged as my winner.

Sorry, Ed Norton. Mr. RISK would like his lady, please.

March 09, 2005

Straight Up

March 9, 2005

One euro equals 1.33808 dollars

Good for American exports, bad for European goods, right? Wrong. Hasn't exactly happened that way. Despite the increasing value of its currency, the EU has yet to suffer a significant dip in international trade.

Stay tuned...

March 08, 2005

I'm never gonna' dance again.

Christmas comes early for Shux and Big Andy G this year. Enjoy this shot of Tuesday's favorite topic of conversation, Jan-Michael Vincent, taken during his heyday with WHAM!

March 07, 2005

The Eye in the Sky

I saw this fan poster for Superman Returns today, and I got all warm and fuzzy inside. Can't wait. The latest release date is June 30, 2006.

I sure hope it doesn't suck. Who is this Brandon Routh guy? Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane? Hmmm...

Come on, Bryan Singer. You can do it. I'm rooting for you.

March 06, 2005

3 O'clock High

It's 3:00, Sunday afternoon, and Tiger just tied Phil to start the back nine at the Ford Championship.

I love golf.

March 05, 2005

Carpe diem

Tomorrow promises to deliver some of the best weekend television a guy like me could hope for. At 2:00, the final round of the Ford Championship features a couple of guys named Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods duking it out for the title. That, my friends, is freakin' sweet!

At 8:00, Deadwood begins its second season over on HBO, so put the kids to bed and get ready to cringe. Trust me, you'll feel the need to shower after watching it.

Following Deadwood comes Carnivale, one of the most original and well-written series to grace the small screen today, in my humble opinion. My favorite character on the show is the deliciously evil Brother Justin Crowe, played masterfully by the vastly underrated Clancy Brown. The genius of Carnivale's first season was in its agonizing complexity. This year, long-suffering fans are finally being rewarded for their patience with some answers to this beautifully crafted puzzle. Check it out sometime. It's wickedly addicting.

Thank you, HBO, for Al Swearengen and Justin Crowe--two of the greatest TV villains in years.

March 04, 2005

Freddy's Dead

On this date in 1152, Frederick I of Hohenstaufen, known to his buddies as "Redbeard", was elected king of the Germans. Three short years later, Frederick was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope Adrian IV. An ambitious emperor intent on restoring the Empire to the position it held under Otto the Great, Frederick met with mixed success throughout his career. He was excommunicated at one point, which is cool. A shaky alliance with his cousin Henry, duke of Saxony, provided Frederick with a vital ally during his Italian campaigns, until Henry refused to help him in 1174. Frederick never forgave him.

Frederick is probably best remembered for his ill-fated participation in the Third Crusade. Teaming up with French king Philip Augustus and English king Richard the Lionheart, Frederick set out in 1189 to recapture the Holy Land. Unfortunately for our hero, he drowned while crossing the Saleph River in Cilicia in 1190.

What a klutz. Seriously, he couldn't afford a canoe? Whatever.

Anyways, rest well, Frederick Barbarossa I of Hohenstaufen. We miss you.

March 03, 2005

Meatheads

So I'm still a big fan of CBS' hit reality show Survivor. (Go ahead and say what you gotta' say to me, Jimmy.) On tonight's episode, muscleman contestant Jeff sprained his ankle during an evening trip to the bathroom, and was therefore unable to help his team win their much-needed immunity challenge. Ever the team player, Jeff implored his tribemates to make the wise decision and vote him out for the good of the team. Sure enough, they sent him packing.

Bye, Jeff. Game well played.

If I'm ever on a television show competing for a million dollars, and I ask my competition to eliminate me because "it's what's best for the team", do me a favor. As soon as I step off the airplane upon my return home, please shoot me in the head as fast as you can. Why? Because I'm an idiot.

March 02, 2005

U.S. vs. Them

Welcome to Day 1 of Hermann the Malevolent's own personal EuroWatch. On January 1, 1999, the European Union debuted its highly anticipated new currency to the world, with an initial value of roughly $1.18. Optimistic European economists watched with anticipation as the euro promptly...fell flat on its face. Bottoming out at less than $0.84 in July of 2001, the euro has since hit its stride--and then some. In December of 2004, the euro reached a new high against the dollar, with a value of approximately $1.36.

In the post-9/11 global market, the euro has turned itself into a powerful international player. Low inflation, attractive interest rates, and responsible deficit management have significantly increased the appeal of the fledgling currency. If the Europeans can overcome potential stumbling blocks, such as high unemployment in the major European states, there is no end in sight to the burgeoning power of the euro...

March 2, 2005

1 euro equals 1.31335 dollars