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Sozialdemokratische Partei Deutschlands to the rescue!

In a move certain to send the Kaiser spinning in his grave, German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder, leader of the Social Democratic Party of Germany, joined embattled French President Jacques Chirac Tuesday in a desperate attempt to rally French voters behind the endangered European constitution. Opposition to the constitution’s ratification has now hit a high of 62% among the clueless French voters, who inexplicably feel threatened by the idea of a united European continent. Unwilling to acknowledge the promising long-term advantages of political unity, the French have sadly succumbed to irrational concerns over short-term unemployment and the loss of sovereignty.

“We will reproach ourselves later if we let this historic opportunity to advance Europe slip by,” Schröder pleaded.

Don’t blow it, France. There are 24 other European countries awaiting your decision with bated breath.