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Fox Televisionaries

So I stopped by the most fair and balanced news source I could find for a few minutes tonight. That would, of course, be Fox News. I love Fox News. Why? Because, unlike those pinkos over at CNN, they love America - they really love America. On tonight’s stellar edition of Special Report, several of the fellas made their predictions for 2006. I’ve taken the liberty of listing them here for your viewing pleasure:

Charles Krauthammer
1. Fidel Castro dies, regime unravels. Cuba becomes favorite American resort.
2. Iran announces intention to acquire nukes. Security Council does nothing.
3. Assad regime in Syria overthrown.
4. Brokeback Mountain seen by 14 people, wins Academy Award for Best Picture.

Mort Kondracke
1. Khalilzad pushes Iraqis to form stable government.
2. Iraqi security forces win battles.
3. Zarqawi killed.
4. U.S. troop levels down to 100,000 by end of ‘06.

Fred Barnes
1. U.S., UK, India, Japan ally to combat Islamic extremism and nuclear proliferation.
2. Iraq emerges as Arab democracy, recognizes Israel, exchanges ambassadors.
3. Anti-mullah protests in Iran.
4. Dems win House and Senate seats but have control of neither.
5. Bush job approval reaches 50%.
6. Democratic star is Russell Feingold.
7. Republican star is George Allen.
8. Arnold wins re-election.
9. No charges in Abramoff scandal.
10. New England Patriots win Super Bowl.
11. University of Texas wins Rose Bowl.

In addition, Krauthammer said Alito will be a winner, and the NSA investigation, while messy, will result in the American people supporting the President’s right to protect us by any means necessary.

Best wishes to all the Fox News talking heads. If I could get in on this little “office pool” action I would, but I haven’t sold my soul to the devil - er, Rupert Murdoch - like these guys have. Oh, well. Good luck, anyways!

My prediction for 2006? Fox News will continue to be fair and balanced - except for when it’s not.