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Rain Men

I like rain. Rain makes things grow. Rain keeps our rivers wet.

What I don’t like about rain is the freakishly paranoid reaction local television stations have towards it, and their maddening knack for interrupting television shows at the most inopportune times. For example, I watch horse racing once every 80 years or so, give or take a few. Specifically, I watch the Belmont Stakes whenever a horse has a shot at the Triple Crown, as Big Brown did this year. Unfortunately, Channel 5 found it necessary to constantly keep the screen filled with radar images and weathermen saying the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over - for two hours! Don’t get me wrong - I appreciate the need to keep people safe. But c’mon - would it be any less effective to relay that information via picture-in-picture?

Fast forward to today. I woke up early this Sunday morning to watch Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer renew their one-sided French Open rivalry. In one of the most dominant finals performances you’ll ever see, Nadal absolutely crushed the world’s number one in straight sets, losing only four games in the process. Sadly, I didn’t get to see the whole thing, because Channel 4 decided to let me know every five minutes that it’s gonna rain again. Seriously - I’ve got a window, folks. I can look outside and see the clouds. What I can’t do is look outside my window and see Roger Federer sheepishly collect yet another runner’s up trophy at Roland Garros. I can’t see it on my tv either, because Channel 4’s Weather Plus forecaster Michael Fish feels obligated to find a million different ways to tell me there’s more rain on the way. Thank you, Michael Fish. Thank you very much. Whatever would I do without you?

Quick history check - television has been around for less than a hundred years. Thunderstorms and human beings have been around for, what, several million? And yet, magically, we survived all those millenia before the advent of broadcast television’s “breaking news” weather alerts. How I long for the days of yore.