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Naked Reverse Psychology

Well, it’s fantasy football season again. As the clear early favorite heading into each and every season in which I’ve participated, one would think I’d have an undefeated record at this stage in the game. Turns out, not so much. In fact, I haven’t won a fantasy football championship since, well, ever.

This year, however, promised to be different. For one thing, a good friend and respected rival made it perfectly clear that, in fact, this is finally my year. In addition, I had the #4 overall pick in the draft. Most importantly, I’m Hermann the Malevolent - I always win. Why should this glorified exercise in Monday morning quarterbacking be any different?

Let me tell you about my team…

At quarterback? Tom Brady. Hobbled or not, he’ll repeat last year’s brilliance without a doubt. Throwing fifty touchdowns a year ain’t as tough as it used to be. Right?

Running backs? Solid. With Peyton Manning to keep defenses busy, Edgerrin James should post some monster numbers heading into the 2000 NFL season. And Brandon Jacobs? Rock solid! It’s like the guy is made of steel - you’ll never see his name on an injury report.

Receivers? Experience talks, baby. With a starting receiving corps boasting an average age of 42.6 years old, what could possibly go wrong? Veteran leadership is a priceless commodity.

Tight end? There’s not a single player in the NFL who personifies the concept of “team player” like Jeremy Shockey. His selflessness and calm sideline demeanor portends great things for the potent New Orleans Saints offense. Despite what certain circles may believe, there’s simply no reason to think the 125 lb, 4′2″ Reggie Bush will require Shockey to devote the majority of his playing time to run blocking.

And at kicker? Hey, last time I checked, it only took three extra points to equal the minimum fantasy value of one field goal, suckers! Gostkowski is gonna be a fantasy rockstar, y’all!

Come to think of it, I think I might have actually forgotten to draft a defense this year. That might present a problem at some point. Oh well - I’m sure I can work out some sort of blockbuster trade in a few weeks, or maybe even steal Atlanta’s defense off the waiver wire when no one’s looking .

All in all, I’m quite pleased with the 2008 edition of Hermann’s Head. I was unable to snag two or three players I’d been eyeballing going into Sunday’s draft, as I couldn’t even find their names on the sticker sheets. Must’ve been an oversight on somebody’s part. No big deal. Now, if only I can figure out a way to get Travis Henry in my starting lineup, I’ll be virtually unstoppable.

Right?