So the “Lovable Losers” from the Windy City make a World Series appearance every half a century or so, and this is the year they decide to be untouchable in the NL Central? The same year our beloved Brew Crew is finally making a name for itself? I’m so sick of turning on the ballgame during the evening, only to find out the Cubs already won earlier in the day, and we’re once again merely keeping pace with the increasingly annoying division leaders.

You know what else I don’t like? Getting swept at home by said Cubs when my aforementioned Brewers could’ve taken control of the division heading into the home stretch. I know, I know - it’s all about the wild card slot this year, but still…

Get ‘er done, Brewers! It’s there for the taking!

Well, it’s fantasy football season again. As the clear early favorite heading into each and every season in which I’ve participated, one would think I’d have an undefeated record at this stage in the game. Turns out, not so much. In fact, I haven’t won a fantasy football championship since, well, ever.

This year, however, promised to be different. For one thing, a good friend and respected rival made it perfectly clear that, in fact, this is finally my year. In addition, I had the #4 overall pick in the draft. Most importantly, I’m Hermann the Malevolent - I always win. Why should this glorified exercise in Monday morning quarterbacking be any different?

Let me tell you about my team…

At quarterback? Tom Brady. Hobbled or not, he’ll repeat last year’s brilliance without a doubt. Throwing fifty touchdowns a year ain’t as tough as it used to be. Right?

Running backs? Solid. With Peyton Manning to keep defenses busy, Edgerrin James should post some monster numbers heading into the 2000 NFL season. And Brandon Jacobs? Rock solid! It’s like the guy is made of steel - you’ll never see his name on an injury report.

Receivers? Experience talks, baby. With a starting receiving corps boasting an average age of 42.6 years old, what could possibly go wrong? Veteran leadership is a priceless commodity.

Tight end? There’s not a single player in the NFL who personifies the concept of “team player” like Jeremy Shockey. His selflessness and calm sideline demeanor portends great things for the potent New Orleans Saints offense. Despite what certain circles may believe, there’s simply no reason to think the 125 lb, 4′2″ Reggie Bush will require Shockey to devote the majority of his playing time to run blocking.

And at kicker? Hey, last time I checked, it only took three extra points to equal the minimum fantasy value of one field goal, suckers! Gostkowski is gonna be a fantasy rockstar, y’all!

Come to think of it, I think I might have actually forgotten to draft a defense this year. That might present a problem at some point. Oh well - I’m sure I can work out some sort of blockbuster trade in a few weeks, or maybe even steal Atlanta’s defense off the waiver wire when no one’s looking .

All in all, I’m quite pleased with the 2008 edition of Hermann’s Head. I was unable to snag two or three players I’d been eyeballing going into Sunday’s draft, as I couldn’t even find their names on the sticker sheets. Must’ve been an oversight on somebody’s part. No big deal. Now, if only I can figure out a way to get Travis Henry in my starting lineup, I’ll be virtually unstoppable.

Right?

Uh-oh.

Who’s that guy who just moved into a tie for first place in the 2008 Buchs Cup Championship Series standings, you ask? Why, it’s Mr. Buchs Cup! Heroically fighting back from a recent meltdown of epic proportions, the reigning Buchs Cup king politely sent a simple message to the rest of the field on Saturday:

“Hold that thought.”

Speaking of thoughts, when asked to explain the marked improvement over what could have been a season-ending collapse last week, Mr. Buchs Cup suggested it’s all upstairs.

“Yeah, I meditated for about 17 straight hours leading into today’s round,” he said. “There’s a beast lurking inside all of us, and sometimes I lose control of my inner animal. I’m not proud of that fact, but I’ve come to accept it. Luckily for me, my Buddhist swing coach happened to pass along a few meditation tips this past week, and so far I’m very pleased with the results. Heck, if I’d have started doing this sooner, this competition would’ve been over weeks ago. I just can’t stress enough the importance of maintaining a tranquil state of mind while wreaking havoc on a golf course.”

It’s heating up out there, golf fans. Expect a finish for the ages.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles kicks off its second season in a couple weeks, and I, for one, am excited about that. I likes me the Terminator franchise, even the somewhat ho-hum third film installment. It’s just a cool doom ‘n gloom sci-fi universe. I also like what I’m seein’ so far with the Terminator: Salvation project, even though McG is at the helm. Hard to mess it up when Christian Bale is involved.

But with all due respect to James Cameron, The Oak, and now Bale, Chronicles has something Salvation doesn’t - the deceptively innocuous-looking Summer Glau. I was a big fan of Joss Whedon’s short-lived cult favorite Firefly, which led to one of the coolest unheralded sci-fi films out there - 2005’s Serenity. In both the series and the film, Glau plays the role of River Tam, a genius taken during childhood by an Orwellian government and programmed to be a state-controlled killing machine. This, of course, provides the opportunity for River to unleash some major whoop ass from time to time, and she doesn’t disappoint. Now playing a killing machine of an altogether different variety, I’m still waiting for Chronicles’ writing staff to show us the full arsenal of one very steely Cameron Phillips.

I love golf. More specifically, I love when I’m golfing well. There’s nothing like sinking a 25-footer to save par, smashing a drive right down the center of the fairway, or placing an approach shot within striking distance of birdie.

What I don’t love is missing 5-foot gimme putts. Twice. On the same hole. More than once during the same round. Guess what else I don’t love? Posting a 9 on the last hole. Even less appealing? Doing all of the above in 85+ degree heat.

That was my day today. Angry Golfer Hermann the Malevolent is an ugly thing to behold, friends, and there was a brief second out there when I actually felt myself turning into the Incredible Hulk. My heart kicked into overdrive and I saw nothing but flames. Just as I was about to launch my entire golf bag into the stratosphere, reason kicked in and I remembered how much I paid for these instruments of death.

Must. Remain. Calm.

I can’t tell you enough how much I loathe Time Warner’s latest DVR system, Mystro. Since the changeover a few months back, I’ve had nothing but problems, and I’m not alone. Seriously - this thing sucks. My least favorite thing about it? When I change channels and press rewind too fast, the darned thing freezes for a good two minutes or so, then reboots itself, which takes another five minutes, during which I get to stare at the above image on my television screen. Not only that, it’s downright lousy at recording shows that are programmed to record regularly. Is your favorite show on at a different time or with a different running time than it normally is? Tough luck - you’ve got Mystro. Hopefully, you can catch it sometime during rerun season.

What a piece of junk.

So James Blake lost in the Olympics semifinal, and then blamed his opponent for, what, not pleading Blake’s case to the umpire? Seriously, dude - you had three chances to win and you couldn’t close. Deal with it.

How pathetic. Andy Roddick has turned out to be one of the biggest disappointments ever, and now we’ve got James Blake whining on the Olympic stage.

Ugh.

Can we make Rafael Nadal a U.S. citizen or something? How ’bout giving Tiger a call? He can play tennis, right?

Another personal milestone to report today. I weighed in at 214.5 pounds this morning. That means I’ve lost 40 - yes, 40! - pounds in 2 months and 13 days.

Take that, Atkins-style diets! I’m still not convinced eliminating carbs is the most responsible way to drop extra weight. Y’all can have your 10 servings of bacon a day - I’ll stick with a nice assortment of fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, berries, whole grain breads, and lean meats thank you very much.

40 down, 34.5 to go.

Our local ball club is playing out of its mind this year, and Brewers fever has swept the city. Happily, I’m not immune to the epidemic. In preparation for my first Miller Park visit of the season, I stopped by my neighborhood Sears today. My mother gave me a $25 gift card for my birthday last month, so I decided to take a look during my lunch break and see what $25 can get you at Sears these days. To my delight, they had a bunch of Cooperstown Collection Milwaukee Brewers retro shirts on sale for exactly - you guessed it - $25.

Yay!

I haven’t worn baseball attire (Magnum, P.I. hats worn as accessories during ridiculous mustache-growing competitions excluded) since I was 12 years old. Now, I get to proudly display the greatest baseball logo ever created as I root on my favorite team September 2 with three other fantastic Brewer fans - my father, my uncle, and my cousin’s wife. It’s like it’s 1982 again. The icing on the cake? It’s all free. My aunt got four free tickets for us, and my mom’s birthday gift supplied the kickin’ t-shirt. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

Thanks, Mom. You’re awesome. Hugs ‘n kisses.

As evidenced by the extremely complex graphic visualization pictured above, the assault on my waistline reached a major statistical milestone this morning. I’ve officially passed the halfway point, loyal reader(s). It’s all downhill from here, and by “downhill” I mean a long, vicious battle of will. But hey - it’d be boring if it was easy, right?

38.5 down, 36 to go.