No commentary on the Democratic superdelegate developments here. I just got a kick out of these two pictures CNN decided to use for this story. Hilarious. How very Drudge Report of them.

After painfully bearing witness to the epic downfall of what used to be must-see tv for yours truly, I've been pleasantly surprised at the level of quality found on the other reality tv show in my life. That would be the venerable Survivor - still keepin' it real in its 16th season. Proving yet again that quality entertainment always works better with the right mix of aesthetics and substance, Survivor: Micronesia has reclaimed its place as the undisputed king of social strategy gameshows. Thursday's penultimate episode featured a fantastically well-executed mind control trick that blew my socks off. Who doesn't remember this? Well, the woman pictured above, Cirie Fields, orchestrated the closest thing to a real-life Obi-Wan Kenobi impersonation that you'll ever see. Here's what happened:

With only five castaways remaining, this week's individual immunity award was won by Erik, the last remaining male. He's been winning quite a few challenges lately, and as physicality historically plays a crucial part in the final immunity competitions of all Survivor seasons to date, his departure was of utmost importance to the four women left on the island. Cirie's solution? Simple - just tell him to give his immunity necklace to somebody else. Through a series of trickery, false promises, and thoroughly convincing acting by all four women involved, Erik voluntarily gave up his immunity necklace at a tribal council that would have guaranteed him a 25% chance at a million dollars! The obvious result? He'll now be casting his vote for the winner as a jury member on this Sunday's season finale.

That's the one and only time anyone's ever been voted out after winning the individual immunity award. I can't get my jaw off the floor. You just earned your spot in the reality tv hall of fame, Master Cirie. Well done.

Oh, Brother.

In what may very well have signalled the beginning of the end for what used to be one of my favorite shows, Adam Jasinski, the pride of New Jersey, was somehow crowned as the new Big Brother champion earlier tonight. A far cry from the glory days once dominated by the cocky self-confidence and Machiavellian ingenuity of Dr. Will Kirby, this season's winner claimed the big prize by fumbling his way through the game a tiny bit better than all the other knuckleheads fumbled their way through the game. I swear - this was the most busted up collection of sad sacks they've ever had on this show. Idiots, the lot of them. Even the "winner" - and I use that term loosely - didn't seem to have a clue. Seriously, the guy apparently does some work for autism organizations out in the real world, yet he still thinks it's appropriate to unleash this little gem? What a dumb ass. Congratulations on the half mil, Adam. I've got a bridge to sell ya.

Big Brother 9: 'Til Death Do You Part should be used as a not-so-shining example of what happens when reality gameshow producers only focus on casting physically attractive young hipsters (with one glaringly pathetic exception) in an effort to win viewership. Sorry, folks. Doesn't always work out that way. A game played out within the context of a reality tv show is only as entertaining as its contestants make it, and this season's weekly promo commercials were decidely more exciting than the trash tv banality offered up by the dullards inside the house over the span of the last two yawn-inducing months. That's not a very good sign at all, and it's time to get your head back in the game before your rapidly disappearing audience completely deserts you, Allison Grodner. I want my old Big Brother back.

Yup, Big Brother's back. Love it, love it, love it. This year, the crafty devils behind the greatest reality tv show of all time decided to match everybody in the house with their supposed "soulmates". And how could Big Brother possibly figure out who qualifies as soulmates to 16 total strangers, you ask? Why, it's quite simple. See, all one has to do, apparently, is fill out an "extensive" questionnaire during the casting process, and presto! Soulmates! Seriously, it's that easy. And can you think of a better way to facilitate televised sex than forcing aforementioned soulmates to share a bed and play the game as a team? Not I, my friends! Gosh, for my money, that's more than enough frills 'n thrills for one season, don't you think?

But wait! There's more! Added to this steamy mix is a real-life couple trying to keep their relationship a secret from their housemates. The Big Brother producers wouldn't be devious enough to inform them that their profiles actually matched better with two other people now, would they? Why, yes! Yes, they would! So guess what, loving young couple? You get to spend the next three months watching each other share a bed with someone else who just so happens to be more apt to make a meaningful connection with your beloved mate than you! HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Congratulations!

There couldn't possibly be anything else out of the ordinary, could there? Well, not unless you consider throwing two recently separated lovers who had been together since they were children and who just recently broke up because the dude joined the military and then cheated on his life-long sweetheart who was crushed and broke it off with him making him realize he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and desperately wants to win her back even though she's devastated and now hates his cheatin' ass together into one house on television for all to see as "out of the ordinary". And there's no way those heartless Big Brother schemers would force these two people whose love was forever tainted to share the same bed as soulmates, is there? Yes! Absolutely! You want a shot at half a mil, young lady? Then you get to spend 3 months in bed with the guy who broke your heart into a million pieces! Yaaaay!!!!

Oh, and by the way - there's a game to be played.

Greatest. Show. Ever.

"Europe's future currency, the euro, will be no less stable than other key currencies. A strong and stable euro is a further contribution by Europe to maintaining the stability of the international monetary system and to promoting prosperity throughout the world economy." - Theodor Waigel, 1997

Welcome to the future.

February 7, 2008

1 euro equals 1.44846 dollars

Why don't you just mosey on along now? There ya go.

Aaah, that's better. It's good to be home.

The Ems Dispatch would like to wish a happy 11th anniversary to the Fox News Channel today. It's now been 11 solid years of flashy graphics, worthless terror alerts, talking heads who like to yell, and a steady stream of propagandistic partisan bullshit.

Congratulations, Fox News Channel. Way to keep it real. Hopefully you can help keep this country split right down the middle for another 11 years. Our founding fathers would be so proud.

"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it."

In case anyone missed the latest Late Show classic, this one's for you. In a vintage display of passive-aggressive Letterman tenacity, the undisputed king of late night simply refused to let the controversial hotel heiress off the proverbial hook in one of Dave's most uncomfortable yet simultaneously hilarious interviews yet.

You're still the man, Dave.

Just wanted to send some best wishes to my friend, Dan Cody, who recently decided to throw his hat into the political arena. Dan is running for a seat on the Milwaukee County Board of Supervisors, 15th district.

Good luck, Dan! We're all pullin' for ya'!

Congrats to Big Brother's incredible dynamic duo - Daniele and Richard "Evel Dick" Donato - who secured the show's first ever father/daughter final two with an impressive, if not predictable, final Head of Household victory over this season's resident lummox and Joker-clone, Zach Swerdzewski. While Daniele played a competent social stealth game earlier in the season, she absolutely dominated the all-important Power of Veto competitions by winning a record-tying total of five POVs, mostly when they mattered the most. Well done, Daniele.

On the other hand, Evel Dick's strategy was anything but subtle. This guy badgered and verbally abused his fellow competitors so ferociously that the National Organization for Women reportedly demanded CBS remove him from the show. A bit over the top perhaps, but many fans (not I) felt he may have indeed taken it a bit too far at times. Claiming his socially aggressive behavior was nothing more than strategic tactics, Dick ignored his less-confrontational daughter's requests for him to turn it down a notch and instead bullied his way all the way to the bank. Both the $500,000 grand prize and the $50,000 second-place purse will make their way into the bank accounts of the Donato family - now the most successful team in Big Brother history. And just in case they ever forget how dominant they were, they can go back and watch the BB8 DVDs on Dick's brand new plasma TV he won earlier this season. Seriously - these guys cleaned house. Eat your heart out, Chilltown.

In a season that featured a raging anti-semite, a well-intended but ultimately lame attempt at audience participation, and the token rogue's gallery of misguided hypocrites, Dick's abrasive and belittling species of in-your-face honesty was, surprisingly, a much-needed breath of fresh air.

Congrats, Donatos. You killed 'em all.

In a move certain to cost me everything, I'm pullin' a Buchs, folks.

It's over!

Wanted to send some props over to the Fatherland for showing some spine by opposing the ill-advised calls for an economic boycott of Israel. The move, of course, shouldn't - and didn't - go unnoticed. While such gestures aren't always the most popular things in the world among their European allies, it's nice to know the underlying acknowledgement of an unpaid debt still has an influence on the economic conscience of post-war Germany.

This guy's simply incredible. After once again disposing of the best America has to offer, Darth Federer continued his awe-inspiring quest toward cementing his name as the greatest player in the history of men's tennis.

Can't we make all the courts out of clay or something?

Birthday wishes to Congressman Ron Paul, who should be doing much better than he is. This is your boy, Republicans. He's the type of candidate that anti-Iraq War conservatives might like. Check him out.

A few years ago, I took a business writing class over at UWM. One of our projects involved leafing through a selection of political opinion pieces in an effort to outline the various rhetorical tactics employed by the authors to convey their points. One of the articles we read can be seen here. Whether or not one agrees with this fella's conclusions, he certainly raises some interesting questions.

I hadn't thought about this for quite a while. Then the other day, I happened to notice the current market value of gold, and it made me recall this piece. It's truly stunning how high gold has risen since the euro made its grand entrance on the international economic stage on New Year's Day, 1999. It was $287/ounce then, and it's around $650/ounce today. Does it really mean anything? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But it's certainly noteworthy, and it'll be interesting to watch its performance as oil futures remain volatile and the dollar continues to fall.